moosejesus:

you know when you say something 

and it’s just 

why the fuck did i say that

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  • 8 hours ago
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chillaxemurderer:

sometimes im hungry and other times im asleep

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  • 8 hours ago
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  • 8 hours ago
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barack-obottm:

friend: what have you done all summer?

me: “traveled a lot…”image

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  • 8 hours ago
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  • 8 hours ago
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meloetta:

i love making plans with people who dont text first either because neither of us choose to communicate and nothing happens
"so what happened"
"idk you didnt text me"

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  • 8 hours ago
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  • 1 day ago
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Dudes be like “I don’t chase bitches, I chase money.”

I be like "Run faster my nigga cuz you still broke." (via sexxxpensive)
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  • 1 day ago
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samagotchi:

when u accidentally click a link so u dont release the mouse and kind of slowly drag away from the link. threat avoided. citizens safe. for now.

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  • 1 day ago
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asian:

I was taking a shower and I didn’t know I was having a nose bleed so when I looked down I saw a bunch of blood and I thought I was having my period but then i remembered i’m a 16 year old asian boy

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  • #LOL OMG
  • 1 day ago
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knitmeapony:

egobus:

one time when I was about four, the 10 year old neighbour boys attacked me with water guns and when I ran away and told my mom she gave me the hose and set it to pressure wash and basically told me to finish what they started  

Excellent parenting.

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